Todd's Journey

After weeks of having to clean myself with adult personal cleaning sheets, I finally made it upstairs and into the bathtub tonight. (Albeit I was sitting on a chair in the bathtub). But it's a small win to have finally been able to clean myself with actual soap and water.

The only negative thing about that experience is, it wipes me out pretty much. But that's to be expected.

Had my pre-chemo blood work today. Most of it looks good, but definitely have lost a pretty large amount of hemoglobin. Red and white blood cells are also down. All this to say that I'll know tomorrow if they will proceed with my chemo on Thursday, or will have to postpone for a bit.

With the decrease in hemoglobin, fatigue has returned, and some weakness in my legs as well. This morning, while trying to get some juice in the kitchen (yes, this was before Jamie woke up) my legs gave way and I ended up on the kitchen floor. Jamie heard me fall, and came quickly to help me get up.

All in all I suspect we will still proceed with chemo, but as my family doctor told me today, with the hemoglobin, red blood cells and white blood cells decreased, this cycle of chemo will most likely be tougher on me for sure. My body is already kind of anemic right now, so the next session of chemo won't make that any better.

As Jamie and I always say though, we have to go through the rough period of chemo to get to the other side of the road. We do what we have to do.

Here is the Monday video update - It's a shorter one this week.

Just wanted to send a huge thank you out to my aunt-in-law Linda who made me a huge container of her famous potato salad. It's delicious. I've already eaten half the container... lol... Thank you Linne!!!!

Some of you have asked me what my actual Cancer treatment plan is overall. So for those of you who asked, and those of you who care to know, here is the overall plan.

I am currently undergoing neoadjuvant chemotherapy (pre-chemo therapy) for four cycles (possibly up to six cycles) which should end around mid-November. The goal of the neoadjuvant chemo is to stop the growth of, and possibly even shrink (or kill) some of the cancer is my system BEFORE I begin the main Cancer treatment plan.

Mid-November (after the neoadjuvant chemo) they will conduct more CT scans and compare those to my August 31st CT scan to see how well the chemo has worked at stopping the growth of, or shrinking the tumors.

Once they evaluate the success of the neoadjuvant chemo, they will have to decide to proceed with chemo-radiation treatment, or look at surgical alternatives. There is still a possibility I may lose my bladder if it appears the neoadjuvant chemo has not worked at reducing tumor size or if it appears the cancer is still spreading.

If it appears all was successful at stopping the growth of the cancer they will proceed with the main cancer treatment of chemo-radiation. They may also, at that time, decide whether my nephrostomy tubes can be removed, however that will depend on whether or not the neoadjuvant chemo has shrunk the tumors in my bladder (ureters) allowing for proper drainage from my kidney to the bladder.

If I begin the main cancer treatment of chemo-radiation, I will be going five days a week (Mon to Fri) for radiation treatments, with a small chemo treatment every Monday that I am in radiation treatment.

Following the chemo-radiation treatment, they will conduct more CT scans to look for remaining cancer. They may conduct more post-radiation chemotherapy at that time.

The ultimate success will be a finding of no more cancer detected, meaning that my cancer is in remission (not spreading or growing, or competely undetectable).

That's the overall Cancer treatment plan. Let's hope it works. :o)

First, I must make a quick correction to my last video post. My best cousin-in-law, Christopher, did not actually say I was looking poorly in my videos, he actually said I was looking good in the videos. I was trying to make a joke about how I use make-up to look good. Didn't quite come off correctly. (BTW- Christopher and Joelle are truly the best of the best - always checking in with me.)

Now, as you know, I finally kicked the hiccup issue to the curb with the very good help of Dr. Moisette and Dr. Reaume. Howver, it all started with the Chemo nurses, Jackie and Andrea, who worked tiredlessly to reach an oncologist and help me deal with the issue. In appreciation of the work they all did for me, and for finding a solution to my hiccup issue, I sent Dr. Reaume and Dr. Moisette some very nice edible bouquets of chocolate dipped strawberries and different fresh fruit. The nurses at the chemo unit in Winchester received a thank you card from me and gift cards for the Keg. I think it's important to recognize the help some doctors and nurses give. It's easy to complain about how they aren't doing a good job (I admit I have done that on occassion as well) but it's also easy to forget how we should thank the ones that work hard to help us.

Dr. Moisette just called me, and was somewhat emotional about how thrilled she was with the gesture, and the edible bouquet. She said she's never had such thanks from a patient, and she was more thrilled that she was able to help me out. She said my gesture inspires to thrive at what she does, and to keep doing what she does, as the appreciation makes it all worth it.

So the moral of this post is to tell you all to make sure you show appreciation when due, and not just complain about everything.

Speaking of appreciation, I have to thank my aunt-in-law Linnie for making me some of her most famous potato salsd. I just love her salad, and for her to make me a big bowl to enjoy for a few days is awesome. I also have to thank my cousin, Tammy. She said she was going to make Jamie and I a big plate each of Thanksgiving dinner. We can't wait to eat it!!!

Have a good one. Will write again soon.

Here is the update for Monday, September 25th.

Every one of us has a rock, a support, an angel that look out for us and walk with us through life. Sometimes we know who these angels are, but sometimes we don't. But we all have them.

For me, I know who my rock and support is. Jamie is truly a god send for me. He cares for me without complaint. Even on the days where I am less than cordial with him.

He watches my medication times, checks on me throughout the night, bought me an alert button that I can press if I need him to come to me.

He fixes my dressings on my neph tubes when needed. He helps me change my "diaper" underwear when needed, he empties my urinal, he helps clean me if I need it.

He lifts me up when my legs are weak, and he helps me to the bathroom. He carries me when my legs fail me.

He takes me to all my appointments and is in regular contact with my pharmacist regarding my medications and refills.

He sits patiently with me during my chemo treatments. Helps me move through the hospital in a wheelchair.

But that is only the medical support he gives me.

He also cooks all the meals for us. He does all the dishes. He does all the housework. He gets the groceries every week. He runs into town anytime we need something.

He does all the yard work. He mows the lawn. He closed the pool on his own. He put away all the summer furniture and closed up the back yard.

You cannot begin to imagine how bad I feel, everyday, watching him do all this on his own while I sit or lay here in a state where I cannot help him.

I don't know where I would be today if it were not for Jamie. I love him so very much for what he does for me. And what he HAS done for me for the past 28 years.

I seriously believe I would be gone by now if not for Jamie. Because I know, there is just no way I could do this all on my own, or expect my parents (who also have their own challenges) to take care of me.

Jamie is my rock. Jamie is my support. Jamie is my angel. Jamie is reason for living right now. Jamie is my life.