Todd's Journey

The story of my cancer journey

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Feeling better, but not fully

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It's been 12 days since my chemotherapy ended. I am still awaiting the results of my latest CT scans to determine what, if anything, the chemo has done to the cancer.

I am slowly starting to feel a bit better, and less fatigued. Every day I get a little bit more energy back, and my requirement to nap during the day has lessened. At night now, I am almost entirely off my sleep aids, and getting back to somewhat of a normal sleep pattern.

The only two issues I continue to deal with are; my nephrostomy tubes, and my bladder infections.

As for the nephrostomy tubes, they really are an inconvenience of having to cart around collection bags on each side of my body. It really does restrict my mobility somewhat. In addition, while the tubes do remove the majority of urine from my kidneys, it leaves very small amounts going into my bladder. This may sound like a minor issue, but I just want to get back to urininating normal amounts of fluid.

I still suffer a bit of PTSD from the days where I was retaining and passing very small amounts of urine, so now when I only pass small amounts (due to the nephrostomy tubes) I sometimes get anxious and worried again. It is very difficult for me to overcome the past traumatic experiences from June. The smallest issue can prompt me to suffer mental anxiety.

I have finally stopped taking my anti-anxiety medication as it wasn't something I wanted to be on for a long time. Perhaps that is why I may still have some anxiety but I will overcome that. I await the moment that Dr. Morash tells me I can get rid of the neph tubes.

As for the bladder infections, Dr. Morash started me on a daily dose of antibiotic as a strategy to prevent further bladder infections before they start. The first antibiotic that he prescribed me makes me quite ill, so he switched me to a new antibiotic today.

Around the homefront, we finally got all our Christmas decorations and tree up for the year. We finished our Christmas shopping (thanks to Amazon), and just have to wrap them up now.

Anyhow that's the update for now. The official discussion with my oncologist will be this Thursday, so we will definitely know what's next by the end of the week.

Todd's Journey - Chapter 11

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Update to the journey

Small victory

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After weeks of having to clean myself with adult personal cleaning sheets, I finally made it upstairs and into the bathtub tonight. (Albeit I was sitting on a chair in the bathtub). But it's a small win to have finally been able to clean myself with actual soap and water.

The only negative thing about that experience is, it wipes me out pretty much. But that's to be expected.

Pay attention to your body

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I know I've said this before, but it's worth saying again. The one thing I did learn from my cancer diagnosis is to never ignore your body's messages.

Had I not paid attention to the blood in my urine, and passed it off as "nothing really" they would have never found my cancer. My cancer happens to be a very aggressive, fast growing cancer, that appeared earlier this year. We were lucky to catch it relatively early on, but even so, the cancer did spread making it a bit more difficult to resolve.

So listen to your body's messages. Even small things that just don't seem right to you should be checked out by a medical professional. It's your life. Take care of it.

Up and down week

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Well, has been one week since I was released from hospital after having 2 more bladder resections, and more cancer removed. Thank you to all of you who have written such kind words of support. Many of you have said how you know me as a strong, persistent fighter in everything I do, but Cancer is a whole different opponent for me. I have little to know control over it now, and until I can get into Chemotherapy I am having to cope and let it lead my life right now.

It makes me very tired, and occassionally lets me know it's still there with some strong bouts of pain, but hopefully I will get into therapy soon enough.

I had to learn the hard way this week just how much dignity you can lose fighting a battle with cancer. I was trying to take a bath in 3" of water (since I cannot get my nephrostomy tubes and dressings wet) and I got to a point where I was so weak in my legs that I could not wash my back or behind. I had one hand on the bath wall in front of me, and one holding on to the side of the tub, while on my knees crying. Jamie came in and finished washing me up. I felt so useless and helpless. And really lost my dignity in that moment. I just cried for an hour after that.

As one of Aunt in laws, who is a registered nurse, said "Things are going to get worse for me before they get better". This will be an understanding I will have to have for the next six to eight months.

I am forever grateful to Jamie for his constant support and caring of me. I have no idea what I would do if I did not have him. He watches over me like a hawk, hugs and holds me when I have one of many down moments, and helps me find positives in this dark period of my life.

I will update everyone on Monday with a new video post. Thanks again for all your kind words and support.