Todd's Journey

The story of my cancer journey

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Significant Sciatica (Leg) pain

- Posted in Medical Update by with comments

We are in to the 2nd day of significant sciatica of my left leg. It is so bad at times, I am unable to put any pressure on my leg at all, and if I do, my leg will buckle and tumble me to the floor.

This leg issue as been around for about 4 weeks, but in the last two days has gotten progressively worse.

I have a progress CT scan on Tuesday for my cancer check, so the Doctors are going to take a look to see if anything is going on down there.

One theory they are currently looking at is related to the steroids. If my sciatica issue occurred during my stent replacement surgery (4 weeks ago) the start of the steroids (high dose) may have been masking the pain. As they continue to lower my steroid dose, it is possible the pain is much more noticeable now. It does seem like a workable theory as the pain has been increasing slowly as the steroids have been reduced.

Hopefully the sciatica issue will get better with some more time (can take up to 6 to 8 weeks) otherwise they will have to look at other options like surgical intervention to heal my sciatica.

For now they want me to use my Dilaudid (pain killer) as often as I need just so I can try and be somewhat able to move around a bit and help the sciatica.

Unfortunately for me, it's another one of the two steps forward, one step back.

Some tough days

- Posted in The Journey by with comments

Hey everyone. I am still adjusting to the ureteral stents that are in place, causing the frequent urination issues. I still get fatigued but not as quickly as before. I have had some abdominal pain due to the stents and constipation caused by a few of my medications.

The immunotherapy session I had went well (other than the infusion reaction I got), so the oncologists were happy about that. The added aggravation that I live with now is feeling cold much more often, and brief bouts of shivering.

I have also been having some mental struggles the last few days. The feeling of guilt I have watching people (especially Jamie) have to do so much for me, and because I am still weak (from the chemo - can last up to six months) I cannot help him much. Things we used to do together, he has to now do himself. So I am feeling a real level of guilt.

The Doctors keep reminding me that I am still early in this Journey. I just finished a very successful chemo treatment, a month and a half ago. They infused me with a significant amount of chemo. The effects of the chemo (fatigue, weakness, etc) can carry on for up to six months following the end of chemo. Right now I am still dealing with the effects of the chemo.

They also reminded me that I just started immunotherapy that has it's own set of challenges. And that will take a while for me to get used to.

I know none of this is my fault, and I know that Jamie helps me because he loves me and is in this journey with me, but it doesn't erase the guilt I feel some days. It's been a tough few days.

I am sure it will pass. Like my Doctors say, it takes time.

Up and down week

- Posted in The Journey by with comments

Well, has been one week since I was released from hospital after having 2 more bladder resections, and more cancer removed. Thank you to all of you who have written such kind words of support. Many of you have said how you know me as a strong, persistent fighter in everything I do, but Cancer is a whole different opponent for me. I have little to know control over it now, and until I can get into Chemotherapy I am having to cope and let it lead my life right now.

It makes me very tired, and occassionally lets me know it's still there with some strong bouts of pain, but hopefully I will get into therapy soon enough.

I had to learn the hard way this week just how much dignity you can lose fighting a battle with cancer. I was trying to take a bath in 3" of water (since I cannot get my nephrostomy tubes and dressings wet) and I got to a point where I was so weak in my legs that I could not wash my back or behind. I had one hand on the bath wall in front of me, and one holding on to the side of the tub, while on my knees crying. Jamie came in and finished washing me up. I felt so useless and helpless. And really lost my dignity in that moment. I just cried for an hour after that.

As one of Aunt in laws, who is a registered nurse, said "Things are going to get worse for me before they get better". This will be an understanding I will have to have for the next six to eight months.

I am forever grateful to Jamie for his constant support and caring of me. I have no idea what I would do if I did not have him. He watches over me like a hawk, hugs and holds me when I have one of many down moments, and helps me find positives in this dark period of my life.

I will update everyone on Monday with a new video post. Thanks again for all your kind words and support.