Well, has been one week since I was released from hospital after having 2 more bladder resections, and more cancer removed. Thank you to all of you who have written such kind words of support. Many of you have said how you know me as a strong, persistent fighter in everything I do, but Cancer is a whole different opponent for me. I have little to know control over it now, and until I can get into Chemotherapy I am having to cope and let it lead my life right now.
It makes me very tired, and occassionally lets me know it's still there with some strong bouts of pain, but hopefully I will get into therapy soon enough.
I had to learn the hard way this week just how much dignity you can lose fighting a battle with cancer. I was trying to take a bath in 3" of water (since I cannot get my nephrostomy tubes and dressings wet) and I got to a point where I was so weak in my legs that I could not wash my back or behind. I had one hand on the bath wall in front of me, and one holding on to the side of the tub, while on my knees crying. Jamie came in and finished washing me up. I felt so useless and helpless. And really lost my dignity in that moment. I just cried for an hour after that.
As one of Aunt in laws, who is a registered nurse, said "Things are going to get worse for me before they get better". This will be an understanding I will have to have for the next six to eight months.
I am forever grateful to Jamie for his constant support and caring of me. I have no idea what I would do if I did not have him. He watches over me like a hawk, hugs and holds me when I have one of many down moments, and helps me find positives in this dark period of my life.
I will update everyone on Monday with a new video post. Thanks again for all your kind words and support.
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